But in between these wider phases of comparative confidence were gaps of disconcerting doubt, when the universe was presented as making sinister and threatening faces at her, defying her to defy, preparing a humiliating and shameful overthrow. How I envied Gianfrancesco on his wedding night, how I writhed in agony just thinking 171 about his intimacies with you! Then you became pregnant, and there he was, posturing and gloating like the rest of the family, my divinations of a boy in your womb pronounced. And meanwhile, we’ll just have these no doubt potentially lethal little claws of yours out of harm’s way. But I dare not accept it. ‘Desist, you little devil,’ he growled in her ear. "The idea of a Malay, born Mahometan, being reared in the Vatican, hit me as funny. ’” She played “If I Were a Rich Man,” adding syrupy trills and flourishes at every phrase. Gay, by his strokes of pleasantry, whether in his writings or conversation, never lost a friend.
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